day 13 - 14/11/20 : how to be a better simp

Well x Had a conversation with a mate at work which inspired me to talk about ~~ our love languages ~~~. We gonna be romantic today. What I'm gonna talk about seems to be drawn from a book by Gary Chapman called The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate so if you want to learn more about it, there ye go. As he says, “It became apparent to me that what makes one person feel loved isn’t always the same for their spouse or partner. I discovered every person understands and receives love in a specific language, one of five to be precise. The other four are just as important and offer [other] ways to express love to each other.”

My first understanding of love growing up was from films and having uncomfortably awkward crushes on girls that I was too scared to talk to. At that stage of life and often later on in life, love in this way becomes seen as a meritocracy, especially with men. The epitome of this is the knight in shining armour shebang. A charming hero comes, performs a daring deed and the damsel falls in love there and then. This gets translated to a modern context with the plethora of r/niceguys, whom believe that simply being a good person makes you entitled to love and adoration from your love interest. Attraction invites affection, being a good person is just being a good person. Before I start getting overly cynical and somehow political, let's move on to what I actually wanted to talk about today.

So let's run down these five love languages.

Words of Affirmation: People whose love language is Word of Affirmation view acts of love as verbal acknowledgements like saying "I love you", compliments, words of appreciation, active listening or verbal encouragement. Fulling focusing on your partner, rather than half-talking while doing something else, love letters or cards would be examples of effective communication if your partner has this love language.

Quality Time: People with this love language value quality time as a show of love. Communicating in this Quality Time love language would be when you show an active persistent interest in genuinely wanting to spend time your partner and finding ways of fitting them into their day and, similar to words of affirmation, devoting your undivided attention to your partner. If your partner has this love language, try to have as much one-on-one time with them rather than in a group dynamic, try and find ways of making your dates memorable and give space for intimacy in them. (I don't know why I'm making myself sound like a love guru when I literally fart constantly with my girlfriend and just make her deal with it. Ah gee)

Acts of Service: Acts of Service is probably the easiest to understand. The difference between someone who does have this love language and someone who doesn't is the person that does would see something like doing the washing as an act of love, whereas someone who didn't would simply view it as doing your chores like you're supposed to. Partners whose love language is acts of service respond well from things like taking care of them when they're unwell, doing things for them when they're having a stressful day and essentially doing things that would really visualise your love if that makes sense. (basically actions speak louder than words)

Receiving Gifts: This one might be open to abuse. People with a love language that responds to gifts isn't a 'gold-digger'. If your partner has this love language, they respond well to the thought, care and meaning that you put in deciding or making this gift. It's a means of corporealising the love you feel for your partner. If your partner is communicating to you via their language of gift-giving(ie. giving YOU a gift), make sure to stress how thankful you are because to them, this is a true symbol of their love for you.

Physical Touch: People with physical touch as their love language value physical signs of affection, if you'd like to think of it as a sensory expression of their love. This can go from holding hands or hugging all the way to coitus. As long as its consensual, if your partner has a love language of physical touch then they will respond well to a lingering touch or kiss on the cheek as if to say I love you.

From what I've figured out, while everyone has their own love language, it's important not to identify yourself by it and become inward looking. The point of understanding these love languages is so you can better understand and communicate with your partner and become a more attentive and responsive partner in the process. It's an outward-looking philoshophy.

For me personally, I think I'm a bit of a mix and match of everything. My girlfriend and I are the same in that way so it's really lovely when you're on the same wavelength with your partner and can love them in the way they hope to be loved if you get me ? To wrap this up, I'm pretty into Pokemon. Emma knows this so last Christmas she got me one of the best gifts I've ever received.

Learn how to love a lil better !