day 18 - 19/11/20 : the one where he talks about mental health

Hope you're having a nice day my reader friend. Today's been one of those days where mental health and the like seems to be the recurring theme so I figured today I'd talk a bit about it. I've got the sneaking suspicion that this may very well end up me shitting on the sad state of mental health services or what I find to be harmful tropes but I'll try to keep this on the backburner as best I can (this is a lie).

Just for preface, during my teens I was a sad angry kid. I'm pretty content with myself now and have been for a good while so there's nothing to worry about in that department. When I do hit my lows, I think I'm a bit better prepared to level myself out but weirdly enough, I wanna say that the one thing that did work out for me being a sad, angry kid is how I've become sensitised to other people struggling and taking negative tropes of mental health more personally. This is not to romanticise poor mental health as some sort of trial of passage that every person should go through - it's horrible for anyone and I'm a stern believer that even if you feel utterly unqualified when you've a mate or family member feeling like shite, so much of what you do to simply be a good friend or brother or sister can be just what they need in that moment. The reason I make this personal disclaimer about myself is I actually want to give a little shoutout to Miss Miskelly, an old teacher from Rathmore who was endlessly kind and compassionate to me when I was struggling. Props to you Queen.

Moving right along, I brought up two things there that I wanna dive a bit more in to.

Romantiscising Mental Illnesses

This can actually be touchy ground to me. Often, people that are themselves struggling with their own mental health will fall into this trap as a coping mechanism so I'm honestly not that keen to bash it. You'll see this a lot with similar lines of thought as 'Depression is beautiful' or atleast that's the general essence of it. While this is meant to come across as empowering, it's just fucking not. It's hard to believe depression is beautiful when you've been in your bed for days on end or it's 5am and you have that empty space in your stomach or you've cancelled plans again for the 4th time in a row. Depression isn't beautiful. It's not something to be sought after and common depressive habits shouldn't be prolific in media as a 'quirky' trait. People with mental illness are beautiful all the same and deserve all the joy the world can offer. While depression should be brought into the conversation, we shouldn't be sticking googly eyes on it and getting pictures with it like it's a fucking clown at the circus. Bring it into the conversation to talk to it and level with it.

Sidenote: I made no attempt to hold back my ranting. You've been bamboozled again, my reader friend.

Normalising/Belittling Mental Illness

Like I said previously, going through a time when you're not doing well mentally can, very often, be seen as standard. You'd come across this most often at the 'gatekeepers' to mental health resources which can be a real deterrent for someone trying to get the help that they need. I cannot emphasise this enough : Do not let anyone invalidate what you are going through. I've come across it far too much where someone genuinely having a horrid time is passed off as 'just sad', 'they're faking it' or, my personal pet hatred, "it's a phase, it will pass." Yes, it will pass, but only if you ignore this stupid person, thank you. Often, gatekeepers set an unrealistic standard of what mental illness should look like. If, by your own account, you think you need help, please oh please get help and don't let your very real health concerns be dismissed by ~~ a dick~~. You don't need to 'outdo' anyone - it's not a competition and not everyone whose suffered through periods of depression will have everything sussed. It's you that's been feeling like shite after all, and they don't know what's going on in your head.

Well my reader friend, you might be confused now because I'm simultaneously shitting on normalising/belittling illnesses and romanticising them. Isn't that confusing? Where do you stand then?

Fuck if I know man honestly. Just be a kind person (?) It's legitimately not that difficult if you really think about it. I unironically found this speech from Doctor Who quite heartwarming and kinda sums up my thoughts on the matter.

If you'll let me, I'd like to be a bit preachy for this here final bit. You don't have a choice in the matter anyways. It's been said before and has been done into the ground but check on your mates. Without being pushy, just double-check on them because god knows so many people would never call themselves 'depressed' until it's too late. While I do want to say, "treat everyone as if this is the last time you'll ever see them", I think it's terribly unrealistic. We'll always get angry or get stressed and be curt or just feel too sapped of our mental energy to have a deep talk about our emotions. Regardless, you can never do any harm from loving your friends and family that bit harder. If you weird them out, they're weirded out but atleast you know they're okay, and they know that you care.

If you yourself are struggling, please tell someone. It doesn't matter who it is. Preferably a good friend or your family so you know you'll always have someone in your corner but genuinely even just tell your dog how you're feeling and then it'll be out there. It's very easy to dismiss real thoughts when they're swimming around in our heads but once we put it out into the world it helps us acknowledge that what you are feeling is real and valid and worthy of help. If you don't have a dog to hand that you can vent to, if it helps just say it into the mirror. The thoughts in your head don't have to treat you like a dick all the time, and there's no shame in reminding yours