day 27 - 28/11/20 : Gay Panic and kissing the homies good night

Hello folks. Today we've reached our $1,750 goal for fundraising towards The Water Project. Thank you so much for everything you've contributed over the past month. If you've some change left in your pocket, please feel free to donate as although we've reached our goal, there is no end to the help we could potentially offer.

For today's blog I'm going to be borrowing some ideas from something my friend Plumb shared on Instagram and another tweet that resonated with me.

Thank u plumbie x

Although one is about homophobia and the other is about problematic male stereotyping, I can't help but think that there's some overlap or link between the two. Before that though, let's digest the first image a bit more. As a disclaimer, I'm a straight fella that hasn't been subjected to homophobic abuse so forgive me if I sound insensitive or out-of-touch - this is just what is visible to me.

What I've seen living on in the peculiar underbelly of the gay rights movement and acceptance is this NIMBY mentality (Not-In-My-Backyard). It's a section of allies who, while accepting of men displaying femininity or vice versa or of gay rights, they'd feel some shame or embarassment if it were their own child or their close friend. I'm not sure if it springs from ego, unpreparedness or how a heteronormative mind is wired but I feel it undermines their initial support, as if it was only skin deep in the first instance. It's very similar in a sense to people who'd describe themselves as allies but would still call someone a f****t or bent when they're mad. I think their initial support sprang from when they saw the end product: seeing Harry Styles proudly sauntering about in a pink ballet outfit or seeing one of their favourite celebrities or talk show hosts come out as gay surrounded by support. In both examples, there's some physical and mental distance from the idea so they can admire and praise it from afar but are wary when it comes too close. I think there's this corrupted idea that people like Harry Styles or Phillip Schofield have 'earned their right' to display their femininity or sexual preferences, as if rights were something to be 'earned' at all. In my eyes, acceptance from your friends and family doesn't have to come at the end of a series of trials and tribulations as if we're living in some dramatised Aristotelian heroic journey where only the virtuous have a happy ending - it comes at the start and we move from there. You let your son play with a doll and ... what exactly? God forbid you see your kid enjoying themselves or having an opinion without your permission. I can't help but feel some sickening irony when someone describes themselves as an ally but would also say that they, "wouldn't want their son to grow up gay and go through all that abuse." While of course the belief behind this is they'd rather see their own flesh and blood going through as little emotional and physical abuse as possible, as would any parent, I still feel it is fairly short-sighted. It rests on a mentality that prioritises the pride and status quo of the external world rather than the pride and dignity of their own child. It relies on a thought process that sees the world staying as it is, rather than fighting to improve it and help their son persevere through a world that may not always be kind and accepting to them.

Moving on to the second image, I feel my arguments here will be less familial and more personal. For starters, I love the popularity of 'kissing your homies goodnight.' I just think that's class. I can be overly intense and affectionate with my mates when I want to be and to the wrong person, it comes across as ~~~~ g-g-g-GAY. I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality to show show some affection to my mates so to see this phrase, however jokingly, being embraced is a refreshing change of pace to the gay panic that festered with prep school capital S Straight male friend groups. It's not a scary concept. Someone asking you, "Are you gay?" shouldn't offend you. Why would it offend you unless you harbored some negative impressions about what it entails to be gay? 'Gay vibes', acting usually as a moniker for exhibiting feminine traits, isn't something to run away from or be ashamed of. At this point in my life, I feel there's a certain power for guys who (at risk of sounding cliche) embrace their feminine side. You were too scared of talking to your mates about something that was bothering you in case they called you bent? Congratulations, now you can have healthier conversations about your feelings with your mates. You're worried this girl will cease to see you as a sexual prospect if you show anything other than a macho persona? Well done, now not every conversation you have with a member of the opposite sex has to be led by sexual undertones. One of your mates comes out to you as gay and is now asking you for dating advice? Congrats, you can be a good friend to your mate and help them out- that person they're dating is really attractive and you have discovered the difference between being attractive and attraction. It all enlarges and becomes part of our language of self-expression and once you knock down these self-imposed barriers like 'gayness' or 'feminity', things like gay panic or squealing at the sight of a rainbow just seem silly.

In an ideal world I'd like to think a blog post would invite people to interrogate their own biases but alas, I am but a lowly Film student with a word count. I hope that was insightful (?) to some degree but it's nearly 3am and I'm